Do you ever feel alone?
Do you need a reminder that being alone is an illusion?
No one ever truly walks alone, ever. Sometimes you can almost catch it out of the corner of your eye — the souls that surround you. Certainly sometimes you can feel it. The layers and layers and layers of generations of ancestors that have come before you, lived entire lives, and created all the generations of family that culminated in who you are … countless souls looking over you, excited for you, loving on you, watching you, proud of you, experiencing continued life through you and because of you.
Indeed you are never truly alone.
You can actually witness this truth first hand during the death experience, something I have seen repeatedly during my medical career.
Watching people as the veil lifts between the two worlds — the living and the non-living — has always been my favorite thing. All of the billions of souls that have lived and gone before you, that not only make you who you are biologically but who have crossed over, and wait for you still, on the other side of that veil.
People you know and loved, people you never met, all knowing exactly who you are and welcoming you home. Row after row after row of beautiful soul energies, lighting up as they come to greet you.
You are never alone, you are surrounded by love.
You are walking with an invisible entourage of love… can you feel that?
In this artwork, I painted a girl walking alone, getting a soul nudge — look up, look past the light from the street lamp, angled in just such a way that you see the halo of millions of soul that shine their light on you even brighter than what a lightbulb can create, just in a different dimension.
This type of soul light, you don’t necessarily see it with your eyeballs, you have to feel it. Stand there, drop into your heartspace and feel that soul energy light shining on you.
If you need a reminder that you aren’t alone, that you are never alone, maybe I painted this artwork for you. Or maybe it would make a beautiful gift to someone at a time of transition — graduation, new job, big move, relationship change, health challenge, loss of a loved one, etc… for a comforting reminder that we are never never never separate or alone.
Find out more about this artwork You Never Walk Alone, signed by the artist (that’s me!) and painted on a gallery wrapped canvas, ready to hang, right here. I’d love to send it to you.
Today’s painting was intended to be a reminder to you that outlook is important to your health… especially now. I was talking with my friend and she was expressing how down she has been feeling lately about the current state of events in the world. I know she’s not alone… me too, gah. So today I thought I’d dedicate a blog post on how to remain hopeful even during times of immense stress and darkness.
There have been several major medical studies that show the major, physical, measurable impact that poor outlook has on our brain function and brain chemistry. Like this one, published in Neurology on May 28, 2014, that found that a high level of cynical distrust — for example, believing that no one cares about you or that it’s not safe to trust others — is associated with a three times higher risk for dementia and a 40% increased risk of death over those with the lowest levels of cynical distrust. Or this one, published in Neurology on Oct 1, 2014 which found that being easily worried, anxious and stressed in midlife was found to double the incidence of late-life Alzheimer’s disease.
Hope, it turns out, is actually brain protective.
The problem is, just when you need hope most is just when your life is crashing in all around you. It’s much easier to remain positive and have positive expectations during times of relative peace and happiness in life. It’s damn hard to have a consistent basis of hope when an unexpected life change, diagnosis, world event or traumatic incident shakes your very foundation.
But you can do it.
Here are 9 things can you do today
to restore your sense of hope:
1. Reconnect with nature outside:
Multiple studies, including this meta-analysis (published in March, 2022) looking at 6 major medical studies on walking in nature and mental health, found that walking outside significantly improves both anxiety and depression.
And this meta-analysis published in 2021, which found that outdoor activities significantly improved both anxiety, depression, as well as affect in both illnesses, with an “effective dose” as little as 20 minutes a session and significant benefits accumulating in as little 8 weeks time.
Or this medical study (also published 2022) looking at 24 different medical studies, which found that going outside in a natural environment significantly improved psychological health over staying in an urban environment.
If you are feeling utterly overwhelmed, all you have to do is walk out your front door, step out of your office, or stop driving and step out of your car. To reconnect with nature is to reconnect with the bigger picture and instantly release pent up frustration, tension, anger, anxiety and fear.
Whether it’s just a few deep breaths as you sit on a patch of grass, taking a walk through a local park, or standing outside at night looking up at the stars… reconnecting with the wonder of being a human being standing on a rock that spirals through space and seeing the earth for the vast support network it is can’t help but lift your spirits for the better.
Taking even one minute to surround yourself with the power of nature has a way of creating a perspective in life that is real, is powerful, is strong. So the next time you are having a panic attack, or a pounding headache, or a knot of worry grow in your stomach, just go outside. Get out there. Don’t force anything, just start walking and let nature work its magic. Even simply taking a hot cup of tea outside at night and looking up at the stars and moon, when the rest of the world is shut up tight at bedtime, is wonderful for clearing the mind and grabbing a few minutes of beautiful fresh air.
2. Focus on the deeper meaning:
This is something shown over and over again in the medical literature — finding meaning in something helps to improve clinical outcome… like reducing pain, enhancing recovery after cardiac surgery, helping substance abuse recovery and increasing functional well being, with decreased physical symptoms in cancer patients.
The surest way I know to help alleviate stress and suffering is to find a deeper spiritual meaning in it.
Whether it’s through mediation or mantra (read my blog post here on how to do this — it’s so easy!) joining a like-minded spiritual group, downloading spirituality apps that will send reminders to your phone, or reading books that align with and strengthen your sense of spiritual presence… cultivating a deeper sense of spirit surrounding and supporting you is such an important way to alleviate stress.
Need some more inspiration? I really loved the book
Man’s Search For Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl.
He is a concentration camp survivor who writes beautifully about how the people who survived these horrific conditions were not the strongest, or youngest, or even the healthiest… they were the ones who found meaning in what they were going through, even in the pain itself.
Finding a deeper, spiritual meaning in what you are going through is — in and of itself — enough to sustain you.
3. Leverage the power of music throughout the day:
My kids will tell you that if I am really grumpy, all we have to do is hop in the car and turn on the radio and within a few songs, all of a sudden I don’t feel so hopeless. In fact, I feel optimistic and grateful and filled with the same sense of wonder and possibility that I feel when I spend time in nature.
The power of music to wash through you and lift you is amazing.
This is how powerful music is: if you play music that holds special meaning to a patient experiencing memory loss, they can recover context and depth and recognition in the form of long term memory recall while the music is being played. (watch this fascinating trailer for Alive Insideto see this happen!)
Playing music that is personally relevant to a patient has been shown to:
- increase communication skills
- increase long term recall
- increase activity level and energy level
- increase social function and engagement
- decrease high blood pressure
- improve mood
- reduce pain levels
- enhance sleep
So if you are feeling stressed or depressed, especially if you can not leave your current surroundings to a new change of scenery, slip on some music and allow it to sweep through your soul and lift you higher.
Music is an invaluable tool for self-soothing and decreasing anxiety and depression rates. So play music out loud and use it to connect with everyone in your family — seniors through the youngest children — everyone can benefit! Take turns playing your favorite music, having a family dance battle, or creating playlists for different times of the day.
Music is universal and can meet you wherever you are.
4. Ask for help:
I know, I know, nobody wants to do this and especially at a time when everyone is facing huge challenges, it can be tough to ask someone to specifically help you out. But bonding together, even — and perhaps especially — during the bad times is a game changer.
Of course the typical advice to ask family and friends for simple, actionable things that will help you stands (for example, ask your neighbor to pick up some cereal for you at the store, ask your sister to meet up with you for tea or coffee together, and share what your worries and concerns are, asking your old friend to text you every morning when you wake up so you don’t feel so alone, etc…) but people are also willing to help you out even if they don’t know you yet.
Do a search to find contact information and call your local support groups, local food banks, local ministries, local disaster relief and emergency financial assistance (to help pay bills,) or enroll in private online counseling, all from the comfort of your own home.
I know I didn’t fully realize how many people I had, providing back up support in my life, until I went through a personal crisis. Some of my most meaningful sources of support during a very overwhelming time in my life were from people I had never ever met before, like the manager at my local bank and the complete stranger who came to pick up the furniture I had to get rid of as I downsized everything.
If you are having a stressful crisis, ask for help. Ask your neighbor, ask your family, ask your friends. And even if you have none of the above, go out into the world asking for help to show up: go to your bank and ask to speak to the manager, go to the grocery store and ask to speak to the manager, contact your local utility companies and ask for help, go to the thrift shop or the park and simply make friends.
Angels are out there waiting to embrace and help you every single day.
5. Create a symbolic fresh start:
A symbolic fresh start during times of stress can help you move on towards healing and help usher in new, positive and hopeful energy instead of feeling stuck. For me, this meant that I literally moved and relocated my life.
But even if it is impossible to literally move, you can go through your entire home with the idea of bringing in fresh energy:
- freshen up the plants in each room, repot and water them, add new plants if you don’t have any
- rearranging whatever furniture you can
- clean your living space, room by room, and declutter along the way
- adding a mirror or two to help reflect light around the space
- burning candles of light in the evenings to help create a new warm glow in old, dark and depressing spaces
- go outside to take a deep breath of air
- lighting a smudge stick or burn incense or run a aromatherapy diffuser in your home
- ring a bell or strike a chime while setting a new intention for the space you are in
- move your body to increase circulation and flexibility — find a yoga or stretch video (countless free ones are waiting for you on YouTube right now) to get your body unstuck.
No matter what you do, do something to break the illusion that you are stuck. You are not stuck. You are a new person every single day and every moment within that day.
When our physical surroundings don’t change, especially in the midst of great turmoil, you can get caught up in the illusion that your situation is permanent and hopeless. This is not so… there is always an ebb and a flow of energy through every situation no matter how unchanging it appears on the surface.
The illusion that things never change can mentally hold you in a place of worry. Release this by making small changes to your living space, changing the energy of the room you are in, physically leaving the space you are in for a breath or two, or using candles/incense/smudging/bells/chimes/lighting/a new plant… or simply move your own body in a new way, through new yoga sequences or stretches… whatever it takes to feel the energy shift in your space and remind you that nothing… NOTHING… stays the same forever. Here is an article I wrote to help guide you through releasing clutter and refreshing your living spaces.
6. Get sunlight daily:
It’s important to get sunlight every single day. If you are going outside for daily grounding (see tip #1, above) this will be a win-win situation! But for those that are not drawn to grounding for their health, at least be sure to get some form of sunlights. Sunlight actually prolongs life span, in a dose dependent way… meaning more time in the sun = longer life span. I blog about the medical studies on this for you right here.
So get indirect sun exposure whenever possible, for at least 10 minutes or more daily, ideally in non-peak hours (before 10 AM or after 4 PM) by:
- sitting on a porch, balcony or front door stoop every morning and every evening
- eating picnic lunches outside mid-day
- observing which of the windows in your home are sunny and at what time of the day there is a sunbeam and sitting in those precious light rays while drinking your morning coffee, your evening tea, while working on your computer or while reading a good book, etc…
- going on an early morning walk before the world wakes up around you
- going on an after dinner walk each evening, to release stress from the day
- even going for a drive if you have a car — roll the windows down and enjoy!
If you can’t get any sunlight where you live, or because of mobility issues, you might want to consider a light box. Light therapy is very uplifting, and has been found to be an effective treatment for depression, anxiety, even fibromyalgia… heck it even boosts libido that’s how much better it can make you feel… you can read an article I wrote about that right here, and find the light box I recommend most right here.
7. Increase Gratitude & Compassion:
This is a no-brainer — one of the gifts of going through suffering is that you can witness and hold other people’s suffering so much more fully. Compassion and gratitude for the journey and knowing that others have made it through similar, and even worse, ordeals can really help instill hope to your own journey.
As contrary as it sounds, topics that would have felt dark or depressing during easier times can somehow feel powerful and empowering now. For example, during our own harsh life changes, the kids and I dove deeply into WWI and WWII studies, reading Anne Frank’s diary and having long, meaningful discussions about suffering and triumph… those felt incredibly moving and fortifying to us.
Knowing the darker side, leaning into it, persevering through it, witnessing with compassion what others have gone through… all of these things make traveling your own dark night feel less lonely. Focus on witnessing suffering in others around you and holding compassion for the entire yin and yang of it all, the darkness and light of the world… the richness here is a different twist on helping to find meaning in suffering and the gift here is being able to open your heart even wider then you thought possible before.
One of the simplest ways to increase gratitude is also one of my favorite, and as a bonus it helps me fall asleep, the topic that’s coming up next! All you do is, as you close your eyes to fall asleep for the night, run through the day in your mind’s eye. Specifically look for moments you had — even if it’s just one — that you were glad happened. And when you find that moment in the day, pause mentally and just say to yourself “I’m grateful for that.”
That’s it. Even on a really horrible, tough, gut wrenching, miserable day, there are singular moments that happened in your favor or helped strengthen you to get you through. Something as simple as eye contact with someone who smiled at you. Or chancing into a food that was previously out of stock in the store. Or hearing a bird outside your window singing to remind you that all is well. Or finally carving out time to take a warm bath. I go chronologically through my day and pause here and there to say “I am grateful for that.”
I generally find I have fallen asleep before I’ve gotten to the end of my day and caught up with my own self, laying in bed that night in my “daily rewind.” Please try it and see if you enjoy this nightly practice too.
8. Deepen Sleep:
Studies have shown that sleep deprivation is even harder to bear on folks with anxiety or stress. If you are going through a time of great stress, it is more important than ever before in your entire life that you sleep well.
You MUST SLEEP in order to recover from the stress of the day and the stress of the situation. Everything living on this earth has a unique circadian rhythm — even life forms as small as microbes and pathogens have a circadian rhythm, as discussed in this 2019 article published in Frontiers in Cellular and Infection Microbiology. Another article, published 2019 in Nature Communications, specifically shows the incredible impact of circadian rhythm on the inflammatory reaction of the human body.
Our increased exposure day and night to artificial light indoors, to blue light input to the eye from electrical devices, and constant overwhelming EMF exposures, means our body becomes easily confused as to what is day and what is night. Melatonin production goes down and cortisol (your stress hormone) goes up during times of stress, anxiety and depression.
The typical advice, to get morning sun to help reset your internal clock, still holds true. But actually there are two ways your internal clock is set, and both are crucial: it takes both sunlight exposure and direct earth contact. Sunlight exposure will be taken care of by tip #7 above. Let’s also proactively seek direct earth contact (tip #1 above) as it will also help to reset our circadian rhythm as well!
Scientists have known for decades that the earth is equally responsible for our day night rhythm after extensive experiments in isolating subjects from the earth in shielded isolation chambers, a unique study published in 1970 in Life Sciences and Space Research. Because it is actually the frequency of the earth (along with with exposure to light) that regulates our natural biorhythms, it’s easy to understand how grounding our body with our planet can help enhance restorative sleep at night and boost daytime wakefulness. It’s also easy to see why staying indoors, ungrounded, eventually leads to daytime sleepiness, nighttime wakefulness, and decreased quality of sleep at night, which is incredibly stressful to the body and ultimately decreases lifespan.
Although I strongly feel that grounding directly outside is best, during pandemics or for my patients with mobility issues or other health concerns that keep them indoors, there are fabulous indoor grounding options that will allow you to ground your body for hours each day, even sleeping grounded all night long if you want.
You can also support a healthy circadian rhythm in other ways — using natural sunlight to light rooms during the day, using a light box if there is not good natural light in your living area, wear blue light blocking glasses if you watch tv or use electronics after dinnertime, have a goal of 9 hours of quality sleep a night if possible, and read this blog post I wrote for you with my 12 favorite holistic ways to boost your sleep, naturally.
9. Add body work.
The feeling of worry and stress and anxiety is often the stress of energy that is accumulating in the body without release. I know I personally feel this as a ball of pressure right in my solar plexus, but it’s different for everyone.
Irritability, crying, headaches, diarrhea, nausea, tension, muscle stiffness, decreased or increased appetite, weight loss or gain, insomnia… often these all represent energy that just needs to be released to make room for the natural healing process and health/hope to return.
If you are feeling stuck and in need of physical release, do any or all of the following to help assist your body in letting go of old traumas… these are all ways to do body work right in the comfort of your own home:
- deep stretches
- yoga
- guided meditation
- long walks
- massage — foot, neck and hand massages are all massages you can do on your own body to release tension
- heat (hot water bottles are the best!) over tense areas
- water (in the form of showers or baths, as well as increasing hydration by drinking lots of water!)
- orgasm
- acupuncture
- qigong
- tai chi
- reiki
- deep tissue massage
- physical therapy
I really hope this list of 9 things you can do to improve your state of mind, boost your hopefulness and increase your feeling of health — even in the middle of great personal and global stress — is helpful to you and a gives you even just one idea today to make this day a little better.
Offered with much love…
xoxox,
Laura Koniver MD
