Whenever I feel anxious (which is most of the time) it’s because I forgot that I am more than this one body, this one place in time, this list of things I have to do today.
The minute I remember that I am a living soul, wearing a breathing earth suit made out of 13 billion year old stars, I can relax into the experience. I talk more about that in my blog post a few weeks ago, showing you how I painted the Made Of Stardust art series.
Back to my anxiety — and it always comes back to anxiety, doesn’t it? For me it does. It’s the first thing I feel every morning before I even open my eyes. That knot in the pit of my stomach.
But here is the interesting paradox I discovered: the more I remember I am more than just my body, the more I can actually relax into my body and enjoy it.
If the universe took 13 billion years ago put together these exact specific molecules and atoms — in a combination that has never ever happened before and never will again — then drew your exact spirit into this exact body to breathe life into and animate it at this exact time… well then, I’d say it’s more than enough simply to exist.
You came from something bigger and you are held by something bigger. The earth lays before you to enjoy wearing your earth suit on, but it’s the universe that you are really made of and will return to.
I need that reminder so that I can relax, breathe, and be ok with existing as a momentary flicker of life on this planet — running my soul through this body for a time and feeling that, experiencing that, soaking that in. This painting is my reminder.
“The less there is of me, the happier I am”
I heard buddhist teacher Pema Chodron say this quote while listening to one of her teachings (on Unconditional Confidence) and I could immediately breathe again. The less my life is about me, the less I think about me, the less concerned I am with me, the less the entire story is about me, the more I can relax. The more I feel enough. The more I remember that I can fall back into the universe and die back into the universe and not to waste time in a state of anxiety.
So when I came home (I was listening to the teachings on CD as I was driving) I painted this. The backdrop is the earth — foliage and greenery and gravity and soil and rock and animals and plants and humans… and the words contain the stars and galaxy and infinite beyond. It’s less about me and this one struggle and more about merely enjoying my earth suit make of star dust and soaking in this one moment while I have it.
If you could use this reminder, then maybe I painted it for you too.
Here’s how I did it:
1. I started by putting blue, indigo, black and turquoise onto a large 30″ square canvas:
2. Then I flicked white paint across the background for distant stars and added small dots of white with a stylus for closer stars:
3. Then I put down stickers for the quote that I wanted to use:
4. I wanted the quote to contain the galaxy of stars juxtaposed with a foreground of heavy dense earth elements like foliage, so I covered the words with a grass green color:
5. Then I gathered foliage from outside and painted them, stamping them onto the canvas in layers of blues and greens:
6. Then I peeled away the stickers to reveal the stars behind them. I outlined each letter in white to make it pop and added some light shining out of some of the closer stars, extending the starlight onto the foliage foreground:
7. When I was happy with it I signed the corner and put two coats of archival varnish on top:
Here is the final canvas, which I called The Happier I Am:
For more information on this orginal canvas painting, hop over here.
The more you can let go of the specific conditions you think you need to be happy, the more you can actually just feel happy because you exist as a living product of the universe. Relax. There really is nothing to do. Breathe.
Say it with me: The less there is of me, the happier I am. Releasing conditions and relaxing into love, the truest thing there is.
xoxoxo,
Laura Koniver MD
PS — for more healing artwork I have painted, hop over and see my gallery here.
